Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Sob Story
Yeah, as far as work is concerned, I become defective as of July 1st. d;) Nice of them to give me a week's notice. As a contractor, they can do that.
My contract manager called me at my desk yesterday afternoon about 1:30pm. Mike is a good guy. Said he was calling with some bad news. I said "Yeah." What else can a contract manager tell you, that qualifies as 'bad news'?
"Due to IBM personnel cutbacks...", blah,blah,blah "...we had no control over it ....", blah,blah,blah "...it was a surprise to us, too... does not reflect your performance... you're one of our top... not personal in ANY WAY ... " blah,blah,blah "...will bring you back on board if we can ....". Stuff like that.
Mike kept talking ... I was trying to absorb the fact that I was going to be unemployed next week. Yes, I was crying, because I was not prepared for this news... it caught me off guard. One of the things I HATE MOST is to cry in public, especially at work. I -have- to be strong. The coworker I cant stand was sitting right around the corner from me, listening to every word from my side of the conversation... I was trying hard not to make a noise. But ya know how hard it is to talk and cry at the same time, without making it sound like you're crying? Grrr... so at one point, Mike said "Carol, are you ok? " (the WORST question to ask, because then you start crying HARDER because you know the answer is NO, but you're not about to admit that!!! ) ... I had to hit the mute button. Then, not picking up on the clue of silence, Mike kept saying "Carol? Are you there? Are you still there? Are you ok?" so I had to say SOMETHING. I'm doing the random 'mime' thing to my telephone, waving my hands around, shrugging and pointing at my throat that I cant talk, which of course, loses it's impact to someone on the other side of the phone. When he asks again, "Are you going to be okay??" I somewhat whisper "ALWAYS."
I sat at my desk for another hour, trying to stop the tears long enough to make it to the bathroom, and then from the bathroom to my car, (knowing I couldnt make it straight out to my car without having another tear breakdown) planning my route avoiding the greatest amount of people.... with the thought 'What am I doing to do? What am I doing to do?' running through my head. I'm not prepared for this, this time around ... unlike last year's unemployment stint, I dont have any money saved, I'm not going to have a nice severance package to fall back on, I just took a week's unpaid vacation and am paying off those debts...
It kinda felt like suffocating.
My contract manager called me at my desk yesterday afternoon about 1:30pm. Mike is a good guy. Said he was calling with some bad news. I said "Yeah." What else can a contract manager tell you, that qualifies as 'bad news'?
"Due to IBM personnel cutbacks...", blah,blah,blah "...we had no control over it ....", blah,blah,blah "...it was a surprise to us, too... does not reflect your performance... you're one of our top... not personal in ANY WAY ... " blah,blah,blah "...will bring you back on board if we can ....". Stuff like that.
Mike kept talking ... I was trying to absorb the fact that I was going to be unemployed next week. Yes, I was crying, because I was not prepared for this news... it caught me off guard. One of the things I HATE MOST is to cry in public, especially at work. I -have- to be strong. The coworker I cant stand was sitting right around the corner from me, listening to every word from my side of the conversation... I was trying hard not to make a noise. But ya know how hard it is to talk and cry at the same time, without making it sound like you're crying? Grrr... so at one point, Mike said "Carol, are you ok? " (the WORST question to ask, because then you start crying HARDER because you know the answer is NO, but you're not about to admit that!!! ) ... I had to hit the mute button. Then, not picking up on the clue of silence, Mike kept saying "Carol? Are you there? Are you still there? Are you ok?" so I had to say SOMETHING. I'm doing the random 'mime' thing to my telephone, waving my hands around, shrugging and pointing at my throat that I cant talk, which of course, loses it's impact to someone on the other side of the phone. When he asks again, "Are you going to be okay??" I somewhat whisper "ALWAYS."
I sat at my desk for another hour, trying to stop the tears long enough to make it to the bathroom, and then from the bathroom to my car, (knowing I couldnt make it straight out to my car without having another tear breakdown) planning my route avoiding the greatest amount of people.... with the thought 'What am I doing to do? What am I doing to do?' running through my head. I'm not prepared for this, this time around ... unlike last year's unemployment stint, I dont have any money saved, I'm not going to have a nice severance package to fall back on, I just took a week's unpaid vacation and am paying off those debts...
It kinda felt like suffocating.
# posted by Elims @ 9:10 AM 
Comments:
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Some prayers for you. Not sure of your religious path, so no offense, just want to send good thoughts your way and maybe give you alternative prayers to try.
Sprung full-armed from the head of Zeus
with full-formed faculties,
nimble Athene, who guides the craftsman:
turn me onto a productive path.
Can use the following for interviews..
During today's negotiations, make me eloquent, Mercury
Ease the way, remove all obstcles
Opening the path for a smoothly accomplished deal,
Opening the path for a profitable outcome.
For humility and guidance:
God of justice, may I not complain
at what fate has brought to me.
Cleave my night with your lightning-axe,
dividing my troubles into ones I can bear.
Perhaps sitting before your computer or your dogs:
I sit (stand) before my place of work
and spread my tools before me.
Lugh Samildanach,
grant your blessings to my tools
that they might serve me as well
as the parts of my body do.
Master Craftsman,
grant your blessings upon me,
that my work might bring beauty
to all the world and all who live in it.
Orderer of Chaos,
grant that all that I do might be in accord
with the will of Nature,
so that, by doing my work,
I might do the will of the gods.
Sprung full-armed from the head of Zeus
with full-formed faculties,
nimble Athene, who guides the craftsman:
turn me onto a productive path.
Can use the following for interviews..
During today's negotiations, make me eloquent, Mercury
Ease the way, remove all obstcles
Opening the path for a smoothly accomplished deal,
Opening the path for a profitable outcome.
For humility and guidance:
God of justice, may I not complain
at what fate has brought to me.
Cleave my night with your lightning-axe,
dividing my troubles into ones I can bear.
Perhaps sitting before your computer or your dogs:
I sit (stand) before my place of work
and spread my tools before me.
Lugh Samildanach,
grant your blessings to my tools
that they might serve me as well
as the parts of my body do.
Master Craftsman,
grant your blessings upon me,
that my work might bring beauty
to all the world and all who live in it.
Orderer of Chaos,
grant that all that I do might be in accord
with the will of Nature,
so that, by doing my work,
I might do the will of the gods.
# posted by 
: 5:59 PM
: 5:59 PM
Really sorry to hear your news. I know we have only been corresponding for a little while, but I kinda feel like we have a connection, and it's always tough when someone you know loses their job.
Good luck with your search for something new.
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Good luck with your search for something new.
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